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Opinion

Top 5 B Movies

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Megan
July 29, 2019

You might be wondering, “why would anyone watch a bad movie?”


Well, the answer is simple: they are hilarious and defy all expectations. If you consider yourself a movie buff and can accurately guess the general plot of a film, I challenge you to watch these bad movies. You will never be able to guess what happens next--because they rarely follow any rules of logic.


The list below contains my five favorite bad movies, aka B-movies. Each film’s attempt at cinema will induce laughter and will probably make you question your sanity.


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'Birdemick: Shock and Terror' (2010)


5. Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Alfred Hitchcock made The Birds and frightened a generation. James Nguyen made Birdemic and confused a select few. Fighting off awful CGI birds with coat hangers, hearing the full musical masterpiece “Hanging Out With My Family,” and that one scene where the board of directors claps for a full minute straight makes this one of my favorite films.


Fun Fact: Nguyen wanted Birdemic to be a romantic-thriller. However, he thought a romantic-thriller meant it had to be all romance during the first half, then all thriller during the second half. Birdemic, literally a romantic|thriller.


4. The Adventures of Panda Warrior

This film has actually given me nightmares. Seriously--the characters have appeared in my nightmares, and their distorted faces have woken me up in terror. The Adventures of Panda Warrior is a rip-off of the Kung-Fu Panda animated film that contains a weird pig creature with tentacle ears who farts and flies. The two whales named Faith and Hope do not give the viewer either comforting sensation as you feel doomed--yet compelled--to finish the film. If you are looking for something funny and cringe-worthy, look no further.


Fun Fact: I am afraid there is nothing fun or factual about this movie. I have heard it described as a shroom-trip gone wrong and a cartoon straight out of hell. If you want to see it for yourself, simply pay $3.99 on Prime video.


3. Star Wars Holiday Special

Airing only once in 1978, this George Lucas-directed special is the stuff of legend. The special follows Chewbacca’s family as they Wookie-cry and grunt around their home in preparations for Light Day (Christmas). Everyone thought the special would be great. I mean, it featured the all-star cast of Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, and Harrison Ford. What could go wrong? Everything. Everything goes wrong. The special contains random musical numbers, a 10-minute instructional video, a weird holographic dance, and Grandpa Wookie’s erotic video-watching session. To any hard-core Star Wars fans: watch this film a few times to bring yourselves back down to earth.


Fun Fact: Boba Fett made his first appearance to the Star Wars universe during the animated section of the special. See? The special positively contributed something.


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'Foodfight!' (2012)


2. Foodfight!

Another all-star cast--Charlie Sheen, Hilary Duff, Eva Longoria, Wayne Brady, and Christopher Lloyd put their talents to use in this wonderfully awful animated film. It is a giant product placement ad where Mr. Clean gets dirty, and the film cover does not contain any major characters. A truly bizarre viewing experience that you really need to see to believe.


Fun Fact: Legend has it that all animation was allegedly stolen before the release date, so the animators had to quickly throw something together. (I think they just said it was stolen so they wouldn’t have to own up to their awful animation.)


1. The Room

Named “the worst movie of all time” and a renowned cult classic. Tommy Wiseau: director, producer, main character--and lore has it--real-life vampire. I first watched The Room as part of a high school film studies course, and with over 12 minutes of sex-scenes, it was quite a film to show a group of teenaged students. However, I have never laughed harder than watching The Room that first time. If you want to truly experience The Room, buy some plastic spoons, go to a midnight showing, order yourself a glass of Scotchka (look it up) and get ready for the experience of a lifetime.


Fun Fact: The budget for this film was $6,000,000. Watch it and wonder where all that money went.


Did your favorite B-movie make the list? Leave a comment with your favorite B-movie below!


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